Semper Fi Ch. 29 (Captain America: TWS)

 It's late when Rollins and I get in. A few of the night owls: Lester, Brian and Clay, sit in the living area when we land. I'm not quite ready to face Rumlow, so I remain with the three, slipping off my flats and sinking into the couch beside Clay.
 "How was dinner?" He asks. I nod slowly, patting my stomach.
 "Dinner was amazing." I admit, "Have you seen Rumlow?"
 "He came down to grab something to eat, but other than that, no." Says Lester. He turns to me, no smirk on his lips or sarcasm in his voice, "Troubles in heaven?"
 "Of a sort. I'm not going to talk about it." I reply bluntly. The men narrow their eyes at me, Clay places a hand on my knee.
 "Diana... Marie was down here while you were gone... the Crew... sans Rumlow, we were all having a beer together... she was bragging about how she and Rumlow..." Clay stutters, but I nod, leaning forward and taking his hand off my knee.
 "I know what happened. I don't know all the details but I know the important parts. Marie told me this morning, but I refused to believe her until I heard it from someone I trust more." I tell him, "But for tonight, I need to bunk with someone, because I'm sure as hell not ready to face Rumlow. Not tonight. I want to sleep on it and decide what to do. The mission is number one. I'm not letting my personal feelings ruin that Rumlow and I are an effective team. I need him in the field as much as I want him in my personal life... but I need some time to think." I take down my hair and run my fingers through it.
 "You can stay with me." Lester offers, "I've got a couch and an ear."
 "Or me." Clay replies, my gaze locking with his momentarily. "I can take the floor and you can have my bed."
 "I don't want to put you out of your bed. I'll take Lester up on his offer. Thanks." I look to him, nodding my head. He rises from his place on the couch and gestures for me to follow.
 "I need to run up to my room and grab something to sleep in." I tell him. He shakes his head.
 "I'll lend you a shirt and some combats to sleep in." He replies, and we walk to the elevator. "I wanted to talk to you anyways." He presses the button for the living quarters floor and Lester casts his eyes over my form, looking for a sign of weakness, or maybe anger. I can't really tell.
 "Thank you, Lester. You're a good man."
 "It's high time you stop calling me by my pseudonym." He sighs, running a hand through messy blond hair. "We'll talk more once we're at my quarters." I nod, smiling.
 "Fuck me..." I groan loudly as the doors slide open, "I think I'm going to take him back." I whisper, raking both hands through my hair, staring up at the ceiling. He says nothing as we move down the hall to his quarters. I speak up again. "I don't know..." I groan, "Will I regret it?"
 "No. You won't regret it." He opens his door for me and I step in, and once we're in the privacy of his room, he shows me the couch, and we sit for a while to talk. "Come on. We'll finish this privately."

Brock

 "Fuck me..." I hear through the door of our room. I'm laying face down in the sheets of our bed, and I sit bolt upright, missing what she says next. A heartbeat passes, I hear footsteps far off, and I jump up, pressing my ear to the door. "I don't know..." Doubt, worry, sadness in her voice. "Will I regret it?" Who is she talking to? I listen carefully, picking up another Man's voice. I identify him to be Lester, the Mercenary. Rollins I'd heard coming up alone earlier, Diana must have joined the late-nighters who sit together in the living area at night.
 "No. You won't regret it." I prickle slightly, jealousy in a thousand forms rolling off of my form. Diana was with Lester. I hear his door open, more footsteps. "Come on. We'll finish this privately."

 Of course. Diana could have any man on the Crew, and here I was, an old man, who claimed to love her, who cheated on her. It would make sense for her to find someone else... I thought maybe she would hook up with Rollins tonight, after their dinner date, he'd charm her, and in her anger towards me, she'd take him up on any offer he made. But it seemed, she was with Lester, a mercenary. A filthy mercenary, who had a silver tongue, who was close to her, who she could have wrapped around her little finger if she so pleased. I wanted to be mad at her, I wanted to use this affair to calm my own nerves about cheating on her, but somehow, I couldn't. I understood why she'd seek out someone else tonight, of all nights. Diana couldn't get drunk. So she'd find other ways to drown out bad memories. I slam my fist into the door, groaning loudly and stepping away, back into bed. The sheets still smell of her, and I relish in that, burying my nose in her pillow, but there's little comfort in it.
 Diana didn't think much of herself, other than knowing when she was right. Physically, she knew she was fit, strong, but she didn't see herself the way the rest of the men saw her. When she first met the old STRIKE unit back at SHIELD, I'd had to pick jaws up off the floor. She had a killer body, one she could use to kill a man, or love him, and she'd inexplicably chosen me to love with it, and here I went and fucked it up for myself. The perfect woman, the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, was slipping through my fingers. No, I wasn't mad at her for slipping off with Lester. Maybe I hadn't expected it to be him, but I couldn't blame her. Not after this morning, what I'd done. According to the security cam footage, Marie had been bragging about our little tryst, stirring the pot of chaos. I'd wanted to go down to the main floor and choke the life out of her, kill her and ship her back to Schmidt in a nice body bag, never to be heard from again. But I restrained myself. Pierce wanted her on the Crew and he was my commanding officer. Whatever anger I felt needed to be put in check and I was quick to do so, but now, as I'd listened, heard Diana going with another man, I hated every inch of myself. Diana didn't have to choose me. She could have waltzed into any training facility at SHIELD, had her pick of the litter when it came to lovers, and been off and away, but no. After abandoning the man she used to love, and her best friend, after betraying those who she thought had saved her life, she came to me, made love for her first time to me, and loved me until I betrayed her. She stuck with me through Hell or high water, sticking to the chant we'd say at the start of every mission now, a tradition that spanned more than just the Crew's time as a unit, but also her service with the Braddock boys and her old platoon.
 I want to burst in to Lester's room and rip her from his arms. I want to hold her and apologize for everything, but I doubt she wants to hear it. She needs comfort that I can't give her because I hurt her more than I could ever imagine, which fills me with sorrow. I slam my eyes shut, but I don't sleep. No, I lie awake, trying not to imagine what Lester makes her sound like in a heated moment that should belong to me.

Lester

 My quarters are generously sized, comfortable and more than what I needed. The first thing I did once the door closed was go to grab the promised shirt and combats so Diana could be more comfortable. She takes the clothes to the bathroom to change, and I too, slip in to one of my old shirts and combats. She returns just after I tug on my shirt. She's cuffed the bottom of the pants so they won't drag on the floor and she allows the shirt to pool around her torso. She moves past me to the couch, where she slumps down and curls her legs up underneath her. Even like this, with a lot weighing on her mind and out of her usual uniform, she exudes a presence that I can't deny. She's a natural born leader, an Alpha. I take a seat in a chair across from her, arms folded over my knees, looking down instead of at her.
 "So you think I should take him back." She mumbles, shaking her head slightly. I nod.
 "He loves you dearly, Diana." I tell her, "You should have seen him when you went down the other day. He looked like his entire world had been ripped out from underneath him."
 "I shouldn't let that idiot Siegfried get in my head. But what makes it sting is that she wasn't lying. She and Rumlow..." She shakes her head again, eyes searching the ceiling now. I lean back slightly.
 "I know. It's horrible. I don't think he intended the ramifications that followed his actions, nor did he anticipate that Marie would..." I let the words hang, knowing Diana catches what I mean to say. "But Rumlow... I think he needs the chance to explain himself to you. He loves you so much, I doubt he'd have cheated on you unless he felt he needed to... a means to an end, more or less." She nods slowly, turning her face away from me.
 "Like I said... I'll think about what I'm going to say, but for now, I just want to sleep it off and worry about it tomorrow." She yawns then as if to prove her point, and I gesture to the bed.
 "Take my bed, I'll take the couch." I offer, not taking no for an answer. She tries to protest, but I insist. She finally relents, too tired to argue much, and she hops in my bed.
 "Thank you, Lester. You've been a good friend. Someone I can trust. Nothing but dependable in the field... and at home." She says. The small statement warms me to her, draws me like a moth to a flame. She's my leader.
 "One last thing," I interject, before she falls asleep, "Call me Benjamin."
 "Right... your... real name." She recalls, blinking slightly.
 "Benjamin Poindexter."
 "Ben it is." She smiles, looking over to me one last time, before falling asleep. It feels good not to have to hide behind my false identity. She considered me a friend and I should reciprocate. She falls asleep quickly, I think the events of the day had drained her more than she would say. I flop down on the couch, shut my eyes, and think of what else I can tell Diana of myself, and what else she might ask of me to do.

Diana

 I don't sleep well. The bed is cold and I have no protective arms around me. I got used to the feeling of warmth in the bed beside me, and I tossed and turned all night. In the morning, the very early hours, when the sun has yet to rise over the mountains and the mist still clings to the windows, I get up, gather my dress from Lester's bathroom, and make my way back to the room I share with Rumlow. His sheets look like they've seen better nights when I swing the door open. They are twisted, as if he were thrashing as I had been last night, and the shower is running. I strip out of Lester's clothes, folding them and placing them in the dirty clothes to be washed and returned to him. I fling the dress over the back of my rarely-used desk chair and join Brock in the shower. His back is turned to me, his forehead against the wall of the shower, the stream pounding against his back. I wrap my arms around him from the back and when he feels me, he
the side. I tuck my head into his neck, placing butterfly kisses there. He pulls my eyes up to meet his, touching my chin gently and the sorry I see in his hazel eyes makes my guts twist with sadness.
 "I'm sorry." He says, "I'm so... so sorry. And... if you don't want me anymore... I'll step aside."
 "Step aside?"
 "You and Lester. Last night, I heard you going in to his room." There's heartbreak and betrayal in his voice, but also understanding. I force his gaze to mine now, steeling myself.
 "Me and... no. No, I... I didn't sleep with him. Well I did, kind of. He offered me his couch for the night so I could think about... us. I needed time away from you to clear my head. But we didn't..." I touch the side of his face. His eyes are red, and I can't tell if he's crying or not, but I assume he had been. The agony going through him must be something, because Rumlow was like me, a serviceman and a soldier through and through. To make him cry was a feat. To make him feel an emotion strong enough to jerk tears from him, something entirely foreign. He turns me, so my back is against his chest, and washes my hair. As he places me under the stream of water, soft kisses flutter across my shoulders and on my neck, and I lean in to his touch.
 "I'm... I'm glad to hear that he didn't... touch you. If you had slept with him though I... I wouldn't have blamed you. I fucked up, Diana. And I don't deserve your forgiveness... but... if you're giving it to me... then... I'll live the rest of my life trying to deserve it."
 "I spoke... with Rollins and the Late-nighters, and all of them said the same thing. If I can't trust my team, I can't trust anyone, right?" I soften my gaze, showing him the side of me very few people got to see: the side that loved someone. I love Brock Rumlow, and like when he broke the news to me of who we'd be working for, I can't loose him. I can't. "They said... that the only reason you'd... do something like what you did... was if... you feared for my life." Brock nods, his arms wrapping around me, holding me against his chest. I return the embrace, and there we stand, arms intertwined, until the water runs cold. He lifts me out of the shower, shutting off the water as he goes, and towel dries me. He's so gentle, so different than the Brock Rumlow he presented to everyone else. The sadness still in his eyes resonates in the rest of him, the slight slump of his shoulders, the lowered gaze, the deepening of the shadows of his face. And yet, I love him still. The look on his face, the sorrow in his eyes, tells me everything I need to know. He regrets what he'd had to do, and he wanted to atone for his wrongdoing, he felt he deserved to be spurned by me, but I can't bring myself to hate him. He was acting to protect me, as he deemed right. He runs the towel through my hair now, so gentle, soft. When he's done, he lifts me up again, his hands supporting me in a loving, rather than intimate way. He holds me against his body and carries me to bed, following soon after and wrapping both arms around my torso.
 "I love you." He whispers.
 "I love you too." Comes my reply, as easy as breathing. We lie in bed, savoring the warmth of the other. I could have stayed there all day, if not for my nagging stomach. Rumlow stirs, his arm tightening around me as I check the time. "Brock." I say, chuckling lightly, "Brock, it's two in the afternoon. We need to get up."

Marie

 Rumlow had been a damn good lay, and I thought his threats would be hollow. It was true, I'd told most of the Crew about our little romp, and Rumlow hadn't been down to settle up like he'd threatened. It was Diana I was worried about. I'd realized, a bit too late, just how much influence Diana held over the men she led. Rollins was around her finger, almost as much as Rumlow was. If Rollins and Rumlow were rings on her fingers, Lester and the Braddocks were her lap dogs. That left Batroc, who I decided, would be the best person for me to try and gain the favor of. I walk slowly over to the Mercenary, swaying my hips slightly. He directs his gaze past me, crossing his arms over his chest.
 "Good afternoon, Herr(Mister) Batroc." I say. He nods once in my direction, but keeps his eyes off of me. I don't like that. I move so I'm standing in his line of sight.
 "Jesus. You men act like I asked Rumlow to-," He raises a hand.
 "S'il vous plait, madame..." He says, narrowing his eyes, "I may not be as close to the Sergeant Major as the rest of the Crew, but I respect her equally." He lowers his hand, turning his head. "I have no words for you."
 "Come on." I implore, but he keeps his eyes averted. "Je parle un peu de francais, Monsieur Batroc. Je ne savais pas que je ferais un tel problème pour Calhoun et Rumlow." I slide out smoothly, glad I hadn't forgotten the French I learned long ago. I'd said 'I speak a little French, Mr. Batroc. I didn't know I would cause such a problem for Calhoun and Rumlow'. He rolls his eyes.
 "Alors, vous êtes plus stupide que je pensais." Is his reply. 'You are even more stupid than I thought'. I sigh, turning away from him.
 "I thought perhaps you might be more accepting of me, given how far you are from being her favorite." I reply honestly, "But where does she get off being the leader?"
 "She is the leader because she is one of the best field commanders there is." Batroc snaps, "And if you truly want to be part of this team, you will learn when you need to shut up, and when you need to listen to orders and stop trying to play games. We all know why you're here, so don't dance around the subject." His bluntness shocked me, and he doesn't give me time to retort, as he leaves soon after his speech. I groan, running a hand through my hair.

Rollins

 I watched Marie waltzing over to Batroc, and was shocked when the Mercenary put her down as hard as he had. Batroc was the least loyal to the Crew, but he was still a part of the team, more so than Marie was, but I hadn't expected him to say what he had to her. She turns to leave as he does, only to be caught by the elevator door opening, and Diana steps out, alone. When she locks eyes with Marie, she barely moves, and the look in her eye freezes the German in place. The women stare at each other, neither knowing what the other will do, until Diana takes a few large steps right past Marie, and heads for the kitchen. The female HYDRA agent stares in shock, following Diana and standing just outside the kitchen, watching as Diana simply opens the refrigerator, grabs a protein bar and a water bottle, and stands at the counter, eating the tasteless ration bar. She sips the water, then looks up.
 "Can I help you?" She asks the blonde woman, narrowing her eyes.
 "Are you not mad?" Marie asks. Diana chuckles, capping her water. I'm sitting on the couch, watching the exchange.
 "Would you prefer that I was?" Diana questions. Marie shakes her head, stepping back. Diana's deathly calm was intimidating her, and I was watching with interest. I don't know if Marie has a death wish or not, or what her big "plan" was, but she was up to something. I could tell. Diana raises her eyebrows, baiting the younger woman.
 "I would think you would be jealous. Considering that your boyfriend cheated on you for a younger piece of ass."
 "You see, you make yourself sound like you hold no value. If you're just a piece of ass to him, then I have nothing to worry about because he's loyal to me."
 "Not true." Marie snaps back. "If he were truly loyal, he wouldn't have strayed from you. Face it, he's losing interest in you because you're second best."
 "I'm finished speaking with you, Agent." Diana says shortly, disposing of both food wrapper and empty water bottle. She gives Marie one last cutting glare before turning to go back up to her quarters.
 "I'm not finished speaking with-,"
 "I think I'm your commanding officer, and you need to shut your mouth and dismiss yourself." Diana snaps. I smirk, looking down at my lap, watching Marie as she glares at Diana's back. If looks could kill, Diana would be dead. However, Marie's death glare doesn't hold a candle to Diana. Marie glares at me now, but I'd grown used to Diana's looks, so I don't even flinch.
 "What the hell are you looking at, lap dog?" She demands. I chuckle.
 "Not much."

Brock

 Diana returns to the room, settling back in to bed and I get up to grab something quick to eat. She wanted to see if Marie would try anything. Diana doesn't say anything when she lays down and her eyes shut as soon as her head hits the pillow, but I can tell she was holding something in. I ignore it for now, looking down at her lovingly.
 "I'll be right back." I promise, and I get on the elevator to go to the living area. Marie has gone, and I grab a protein bar. It's disgusting but quick and easy, so I suck it up and take a bite. I take a bottled water too, crack it open, and drink down two-thirds of it before setting down the bottle. Rollins is sitting on the couch, a bemused look on his face. He's tapping away at something on a tablet, and I walk over.
 "You've gotta see this, Brock." Jack says, handing me the tablet. I finish the bar, and the water before taking the tablet and hitting play on the video. It shows Diana, going to the kitchen to get a protein bar and a bottle of water, as I had, and Marie coming over. The exchange is intriguing. Diana retains her cool, while Marie gets progressively more angry. I chuckle, handing the tablet back to Rollins.
 "That's my girl." I say quietly. Jack places a hand on my shoulder.
 "You and her back on good terms?" He asks.
 "Yeah," I say, "And I'm damn lucky." I let out a sigh, smiling at Jack, "Thank you for talking to her. And... I'm sending a case of beer to all the night owls for talking to her too. And maybe a bottle of whiskey for Lester."
 "I told her that you were acting to protect her and didn't see another way out." Says Rollins. I nod, thanking him one more time. "So I expect to be your best man at the wedding."
 "I was thinking about your cover the other day... when you said... I'd been asking you about what kind of Diamond she would like? Well now I'm asking for real." Jack's eyes widen.
 "Holy shit, you're not kidding. Are you for real right now? Where's Brock Rumlow, huh? The guy who said 'I'm never getting married!'?" He demands, "Wow. You're serious. Wow." He shakes his head to dispel the disbelief. "Damn Rumlow, you really do love her."
 "With every ounce of my being, so answer the question."
 "You know, I don't think Diana's a diamond kind of girl." Says Rollins, "Go simple. Something she can put under a glove while fighting, or something that would look good on a chain while she's in combat." I nod, agreeing with him.
 "I've got a few ideas." I chuckle, "Thanks again, Jack." I pat him on the shoulder before heading to my quarters.
When the doors slide open, Marie is there. I brush past her but she rushes over, placing a hand on my arm.
 "Brock." She says. I shake my head, turning away.
 "I told you it was a one time thing. And I don't remember telling you to use my first name." I snap. She places a hand on my chest, feeling the hard muscle beneath my shirt. I don't back off because that would show weakness. She smiles.
 "You honestly think Diana actually loves you?" She asks, "No, she doesn't. She's with you because she feels bad. I on the other hand-,"
 "Want me because of my position in the Crew." I fill in for her, moving forward and past her. "Listen, Marie. There's a chain of command around here, and if you can't take the hint when to step off of your superiors, then you don't need to be here." With that, I open the door to my room and lock it behind me. My eyes settle on the woman laying in my bed then. She's sitting up a bit, reading something on her tablet. She's gorgeous. I walk over to her, brushing a strand of that brown hair out of her face, smiling as I do. She moves over to make room for me, and I slide in beside her, looking over her shoulder. It's the mission for tomorrow.
 "I'm going to call a training." She tells me, "So get your ass up, Soldier." There's a teasing tone in there, and I salute her. She stands up, slipping in to some workout shorts and a black sports bra. She slides on her trainers, slips her fingerless boxing gloves into her back pocket. I do similarly, sweatpants and a black tee shirt with my own trainers on, and we head over together. She tells me she sent out a message through our e-mails. We head to the gym, both of us taking the time that it takes for the team to gather to stretch. Marie shows first, seeing Diana and I beside each other. Diana meets her eyes.
 "If you want command so badly," Diana challenges, "Get in that ring and take it from me."